Senior Year

This is it! I’ve decided that I am done with the bullshit fuck boys that live here! I’m going to wait till college for a whole new batch of fuck boys but I can’t keep dealing with the ones here. It’ll never lead to anything good and therefore it is not worth my time! This year everything my friends and I do we will do big and all the way!! By this this time next year my life will be totally different and new things will be happening. I’m nervous that everything is going to be different but at the same time I am really happy because I need change. I need new people who will restore my hopes for a social life. All in all I just want to start my life, my own independent life without people always on my case about the stupidest shit. But on the bright side! NEW GUYS!

Guy that I know I am so over like honestly you have no idea theyre horrible and stupid and why the hell did I waste my time with them? Like am I an idiot? Why cant I just delete their numbers and snapchat and unfollow them on all social media?! It’s like when it’s going good it’s going great but all other times its horrible

Why am I addicted to the wrong people? They are drugs and I always find the strength to quit them and then I relapse and its like WWIII in my head

Can someone please just find me a tattooed dude who is just different from all the assholes here?

Cowards. I “lol” at you.

My all time favorite topic, “cowards.” What is a coward in this case? In this case a coward is someone who thinks that they are tough when in reality they’re idiots.

I will admit when something is wrong. In this case my aunt was wrong and insulted a very kind, 92 year old. I can admit that without any difficulty, she was wrong, plain as that, and his daughter had every right to be mad especially since the way that my aunt approached the problem and her, yelling and all, was unacceptable and inappropriate. Now see if it ended there, I’d say the lady that she yelled at (I’ll call here Cay) handled the situation very well. However, it did not end there, Cay went to facebook, I find this hilarious, a 50 something year old woman, whining on social media like a 10 year old. Now, personally, if I was going to bitch about someone, and make sure that people knew exactly who I was talking about, I would make sure that on that social media site I was not friends with her family who could see what she posted. I feel like that is common sense. But Cay didn’t do this and people in my family saw it. Generally I have a lot of respect for people, until they do something to ruin that, I lost all respect for her because of what she posted and what others commented. People commented things such as, “Want me to take of them for you?” and other things that went a long with that. Her comments were such as, “I’m done with that whole family.” Sorry but that makes me laugh so hard, first of all what the hell are your little brainless goons going to do? “Take care of them” like seriously LOL. WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO HAHA. Worst case scenario they commit murder, but seriously other than that what are they going to do? make life a living hell? well that is just hilarious and they need a life if they have nothing better to do then mess with someone all over a parking spot. And to say that you are done with a whole family that have nothing to do with the isolated incident, well who the hell do you think you are is what I would like to know, our families have been friends for over 50 years and you are throwing it away over something so trivial, you are an idiot and we don’t want to associate with you anyways so get off your high horse, you pretty much suck as a person lmao don’t flatter yourself honey. Moral: don’t be a idiotic b***h just please, everyone will laugh at how stupid you are and don’t go to social media to fight a useless battle, to get people to back you up over nothing, that is literally the stupidest thing ever. Plus your friends are stupid to back you up on something so dumb. Honestly though, fights over social media aren’t worth it because people say things that they wouldn’t normally say in person so all these people in your corner over social media won’t really be there for you in person so don’t start a fight over social media that you try taking into the real world. It’ll be sad you show up to fight and all those internet allies don’t show up, when the other person shows up with people in their corner, you will lose because you took the cowardly way out. Say things to peoples faces or not at all, karma is a bitch babe.

Neighbors.

February 17, 2014

So lately there have been a lot of snow storms in the area that I live in, there is virtually no where to put anymore snow and yet it keeps on snowing. I live on a hill, on a dead-end street, options are extremely limited on  where to throw snow. A lot of the neighbors that I have are older. One in particular though has pissed everyone in my house off. He is older, in his 70s I think, he not highly functional, all he goes is stay at home and watch tv in bed. I know this because my mom is a nurse who helps him out a lot with various things. He’s a drug addict and with all this snow he hasn’t been able to get his “extra” pain medication, there is a few stories behind how I know that and a few other things about him but anyways, not having drugs and being a cranky old man are not a good combination. Well anyways, through out there years when there have been snowstorms, someone in my family would shovel his walk way and stairs, or if he was having a problem with his TV or computer, my father would go over and help him. Well during this snow storm, as I said, he’s older and no longer very capable and he doesn’t leave his house really so his car is parked in his extremely long drive way for most of the winter. While my family was shoveling (my side of the street doesn’t have driveways) they started putting it in his driveway like he has told us to do every year when we run out of space. So during the course of a few weeks this man has come out of his house, screaming like a pysco telling them not to put the snow there, they stopped after the first time and started adding it to a smaller pile in front of his neighbors house (which we had permission to do) which happened to be close to the drive way (that side of the street gets a lot more sun so they snow had been melting faster). It takes a lot (if you are a stranger) to make my dad mad, I have never seen him so mad at someone that wasn’t my brother or I, but my dad had literally just pulled into his parking spot and this man comes screaming out of his house like a crazy person, which I know is not his medical issue, and started yelling at my brother and father. My dad walked into the house yelling to my mother, “DON’T YOU EVER OFFER MY HELP OR YOUR CHILDREN’S HELP TO HIM EVER AGAIN.” This was a big deal because my dad doesn’t really hold grudges so I was just like, “Woah.” But yeah, anyways, the moral of the story is don’t be a druggy, cranky old person and to understand that times are hard with weather conditions like this so don’t make things worse by being a jerk, honestly people in my family respond a lot better to people just saying things to them, not yelling like crazy because that pisses everyone off and I’m a the type of person that holds a grudge, not going to lie, if he ever asked me to help him with something I would say no. I’m a firm believer in treating others how you would want to be treated, I may not always execute it with people that I see all of the time but I try to with new people or people that I only see once in a while, which I don’t think is too hard, you don’t have that much time with them, be your best self and be kind. But yeah I hope people reading this enjoyed my rant.

“F***boys”.

It really bothers me that there are guys that have amazing personalities, all over just good guys. THEN, they go and mess it up. As in they don’t know what things are appropriate in public or they just say one thing, ONE THING that ruins everything. Everyone sometimes says something stupid, don’t get me wrong, I totally get that, buy I’m not talking about that. Also, when they act like total douche-bags depending on who they are with.

For example, when a guy brags about drinking, smoking, getting with girls, getting high, or just all out gloating about themselves. I understand that some kids need to escapes their lives because things are bad, I get that it may not be the best way to do that but I mean, I get it. I just feel as though there is such a fine line. Someone that thinks that they have the right to drink or whatever to escape there lives, they don’t talk about it, they don’t brag that they do all these things and the most definitely do not try and talk about it every chance that they get. Yet, I also understand that people try to hide there emotions with other emotions, acting like everything is totally fine when in reality they are falling apart.

It just makes me so sad that there are all these totally amazing guys out there who deserve to have people around them that can positively help their lives, even if it is just being a person to listen because they don’t know what to say to make things better. So now there are these guys out there looking for help in the wrong places, with the wrong people and wrong substances, and all these good people are in their lives and they can’t even see that there are people right in front of them, willing to help them in a different ways. Then they go running their mouths about all these parties and things they did when they were drunk, just how awesome they think everything is because they want you to think that they are happy and then you get so mad that they’re doing all this stupid crap and now they’re standing there bragging about it. You just spent the entire day with them and it has been a wicked long day, they just said they were exhausted, now they’re saying that they can’t wait home so they can go out and go to another party with their other friends. Like, it makes me laugh so hard because the person doesn’t see it so it doesn’t even make sense to get into an argument over it with them.

Then they act okay around you, you see them when they aren’t trying to make them self, well whatever. The person you see in that moment is amazing, perfect to you in every way, but they don’t see it and just as soon as the real them came, it’s gone again and there is nothing that you can do about it. This frustrates me so much, how can they not see how amazing they are? How has no one else been able to get through to them, how?

School.

Ugh I know that it is only tuesday but this week has already been the most stressful! I have so many tests and quizes and papers! due 😦 plus i still need to finish driving hours, get my lisence, take an SAT course, take the SATs, take midterms next week. I just need support :/ plus my 4 page paper is due thursday and I have a paragraph. a paragraph. done UGHHH junior year is so stressful.

Suicide.

Ugh, so today I went to a wake. I still live in the same neighborhood that I was born in, actually I moved up the street but my old house still had my grandmother, aunts and cousins. So anyways, when I lived there my brother was friends with this kid two houses over. So when we moved when I was 3, we didn’t really see him anymore. The day after Christmas his brother committed suicide.

I know that this may sound really dumb because I really didn’t know him or his brother. I just, I don’t know, something is just weird and scary about it. I mean you always hear stories and it’s just really weird when it happens so close to home. It’s scary because usually with things like that, you never really think about it happening to people that you know or people that know your family.

I feel so bad for his brother and parents. When I was at the wake a majority of the people there were young kids who were 20 or so because they were his friends or his brothers friends. I can’t imagine going to my friends siblings or even my friends wake, or my brothers for that matter.

I just hope that if any of my friends are feeling depressed or something that they tell me. I’m not really the type of person that is good at giving advice, unless it is a tough love situation, because I don’t really know what I want to hear in certain situations so how am I suppose to help other people? But anyways, I’ll always listen and try to help if I can, even if that means I need to send you to talk to someone else. I just think that a lot of people make the mistake when they don’t know how to help, to keep trying to help, when they are not really helping at all. It’s better to admit that you can’t help the person and take them to someone else that can help then basically doing nothing.

So pay attention to the people around you and if they need help then help to provide it for them in the right way, even if that means admitting that you can’t help because that is helping them to get the help that they need quicker.

I might delete this post later but I don’t know, I needed to vent because it was a really scary thing to happen and this Christmas vacation so many people have died or gone to the hospital. Ugh. I hope everyone else had a great holiday vacation.

Not a normal welcome to 2015 post

Hey, I know everyone says about making the new year theirs, having all of these unrealistic expectations of what they want to happen in 2015. So they tell people their hopes and dreams for the new year, hoping that the people they tell will help them to accomplish everything that they just poured their hearts out about. Up until that point, most people have determination, until that moment after they pour their hearts out because, unfortunately, those people entrusted with those thoughts break down all of that hope the person built up and at that point all the hope, happiness and such just vanishes because someone tells them that they can’t.

Who, besides you, is to say that you can’t do something? No one. People will always tell you that you can’t do something when you really can’t. EVERYONE is afraid that the people around them will be more successful then they are. Don’t let them win, don’t let them set limits on your life. Just because they want to sit back and do nothing does not mean that you have to sit there with them.

Also, don’t be that person holding other people back. Help them, because when that is you, you will want the help.